Unlike a straight wedding, there are a few things that shouldn’t be said or asked at an LGBTQ+ wedding. With LGBTQ+ rights still being fought for daily, it is vital that you are sensitive to these rights, the couple’s feeling and other guests who may not identify as straight. To help you remain empathetic and to not undermine the couple’s day with your heteronormative and misogynistic assumptions, here are five things you should not say or ask at an LGBTQ+ wedding. And remember that loose lips sink ships!
Don’t Say, “I’m So Excited To Attend A Real Gay Wedding!”
When receiving your invitation, the last thing you should say is that you’re excited to be attending a ‘real gay wedding.’ Even though we know that this is usually said as a positive and out of excitement, it can be contrasting and cause the couple to feel uncomfortable.
Don’t Ask, “So Who Is The Bride And Who Is The Groom?”
Don’t assume that the couple is choosing to use traditional terminologies like ‘bride’ and ‘groom’ or do heteronormative wedding activities like tossing the bouquet or walking down the aisle. Even in a heterosexual wedding, it is entirely up to the couple choose their pronouns, wedding activities and how they choose to (or not to) add traditional elements to their wedding.
Don’t Ask, “But How (Or When) Are You Going To Have Kids?”
Let’s just leave this question far away from any wedding – whether LGBTQ+ or not! Stay in the moment and focus on celebrating the couple instead of wondering if, when, or how they’ll have kids. With any couple, just remain respectful and wait for them to start the ‘having kids’ conversation. To be honest, it is none of your business.
Don’t Ask, “Will The DJ Only Be Playing Lady Gaga/Elton John/RuPaul?”
It might be a joke, but look around you, nobody is laughing! Don’t fall into the stereotype trap and assume everyone in the LGBTQ+ community like certain musicians (even if they are incredible artists). Refrain for all stereotypical comments and questions you may have – instead, Google it before or after the wedding).
Don’t Say, “I’m So Supportive Of Your Sexuality.”
By showing up to an LGBTQ+ wedding, shows that you are supportive of the couple’s sexuality. There’s no need to express it verbally too. To be honest, it’s weird to say, especially when congratulating the couple on their wedding or even engagement.
As a rule of thumb, before asking an LGBTQ+ couple anything that may seem inappropriate, ask yourself, “would I ask a straight couple this?” or “would I say this to a straight couple?. If the answer is no, then keep your thoughts and questions to yourself rather than offending the newlyweds or anyone else attending the wedding. Even though you might not know what to expect, you need to come to an LGBTQ+ wedding with the same respect that you would when attending a straight marriage.